The Wal-Mart Story: Every Autism Parent Has One

Every mother of a child with autism has one…a Wal-Mart Story.  No, it’s not that amazing bargain gallon of green beans on sale for $1.99.  It’s the embarrassment of strangers staring, or worse, those who shake a pointy finger at 'cha while explaining that you need to take your child out for a "whooping" (actually, the later happens more often in church, but that’s another blog. And if you're not from The South, then: "whooping" means a good whipping. And, honest to God, I hear parents report receiving this hideous, judgmental remark often). That child of yours that others are gawking at, shaking their heads about or suggesting aversive discipline techniques for is your child with autism who is lying on the filthy, linoleum floor tantruming like a tyke half his or her age.  Actually, EVERY parent probably has a Wal-Mart story, it’s just those of us who have children with autism are blessed with more of our share of them and with much, much more drama.  Trust me.  You’ve never seen a kid pitch a tantrum like one who has autism.  (Except maybe one who has bi-polar disorder).  Wouldn’t you tantrum if words eluded your brain?  The lights, sounds and smells made your immature, whacked-out nervous system feel a gazillion times more out of control?

 

Us parents with autism hope that all the awareness we do during Autism Awareness Month each April or, thank you…the media who has highlighted the jump in diagnoses from one in 10,000 10 years ago to 1 in 150 today….we hope that people will understand, “know the signs,” practice a little compassion, TURN AROUND, STOP STARING, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, PLEASE!  Fortunately, I learned a technique for these awkward mothering moments that applies to any beguiling life moment, thanks to a weekend intensive seminar I took in Atlanta more than 15 years ago, called Life Training, sponsored by the Kairos Foundation of California. Basically, it’s cognitive behavioral therapy – telling your mind to: Get. Over. It!  When life presents these less-than-ideal autism moments, I run through the following thoughts in my head (actually, I don’t even have to go through these any more, I’ve done this so many years, I know the drill/reality). I take a deep breath as I peel my child from the floor or remove her from whatever humiliating circumstance she’s created.  I tell myself: “I don’t know these people.  They don’t know me.  I will never see them again.  I don’t care what they think.  They do not know this is autism.  They do not understand autism.  They do not live this life...”  This technique helps me disengage from the public horror and focus on my child, not superfluous concern about what strangers think.  This life of autism is weird and challenging enough.  I cannot afford to let what strangers think, say or how I think they look at me be another burden to carry around.  My load is heavy enough, thank you. 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

Comments

[Leisa A. Hammett]

Wal-Mart because it is ubiquitous and it's a joke in our local community that meltdowns seem to happen there more. (Wonder why?) But, yes, Target, Kroger, wherever. Wal-Mart in the generic sense. Somewhere I've written on this blog, I think, that I have noticed a softening and a greater compassion as my daughter has aged and also perhaps because there is so much greater awareness in the last 10 years. Thankfully. Hang in there!

[amy]

how about Target? DS hit a girl as we were going in..i grabbed a cart and took him out. Thankfully security saw the whole thing because 90 min later someone had fetched him due to kid still screaming in the car. we were pulling out at that point and he saw me... and had seen the whole thing. that was the worst one..there have been others. honestly don't see too many stares now. mostly compassion in people's eyes :)

[Erin Perry]

Yes, yes, yes! Our load is heavy enough...well said!

[Leisa Hammett]

Replying period. Replying with a positive comment! These things are important to a blogger! Thank you. Glad you found it helpful. Come back. I post on autism/disAbilities now on Wednesdays with overlap on Mondays and Fridays because...you know...autism is like pervasive. Thanks again!

[ADHD Therapy]

I've being researching about Autism and reading your blog, I found your post very helpful :) . I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog!