We bonded during the last hour of the day. A panelist at the close of the first-ever conference for midlife bloggers asked the audience of 100 women if any of us found certain types of stories that resonated with their readers. I raised my hand. But, Cathy Chester, who writes about having Multiple Sclerosis, raised hers first. When it was my turn, I shared that in my seven years online, I believed I've always blogged authentically. But, when my daughter turned 16 and began approaching the perilous precipice of ending services that young adults with disAbilities reach (and fall off of) at age 22, I became angry. And I wrote about it. And it hit some nerves with other parents on the journey. I shared how my "Pining for an Empty Nest" blog post and reading for our local Listen to Your Mother performance stretched me to share my struggle and the resulting sense of resonance (and understanding) it brought.
Following me, my new-found friend, Alicia Searcy, a fashion blogger who has cerebral palsy, shared some of her journey. (She's fashionable from her fuchsia-streaked hair to her leopard-print booties. Her blog title is a little insider slice of disAblity humor: "Spashionista.com." About three more people followed us, and two of them shared about their online journeys with breast cancer. One of them, Claudia Schmidt, owns another fab titled blog: My Left Breast. As these clever blog names indicate, these women have learned to make lemonade.
When the conference disbanded, I asked Alicia if she noticed that the first three of us who spoke were all living with disAbility. Yes, she'd noticed. She is a wise woman. Without pausing, she added to the wisdom she'd already gifted me from earlier in the day: "It's because we've not been able to run from life, Leisa." She looked me in the eye and added. "The rest of the people here probably have kinda been able to skirt it. A little. But we cannot." She gestured to her own visible disAbility. I thought of my daughter and how her obvious hyperactivity and lack of social inhibition and inability to carry on a conversation red flags her, as well.
To be human is to face challenge. By no means am I saying that the challenges my daughter's autism presents me is any greater, more important, etc., than any other individual who lives with disAbility or not. We all dwell in our individual universes of experience. The takeaway for me was that each of us, plus the two women who wrote about breast cancer, found a sense of resonance in sharing from the tender spaces in our lives.
That authenticity, that vulnerability, I think, resonates not only with people experiencing the same struggle, (autism, other disAbilities, cancer,) it echoes within the soft, aching, quiet places within us all. The parts that we may be too scared to share with others or think that we are the only ones who feel that way. I've said for more than a decade now since I've been chronicling my journey with autism here and my continued attempts to compile a morphing theme of my life lessons from Grace into another book, that grief is universal. It may be called something different in your life than mine. But few, if any of us, dodge it forever.
Participating in Nashville's inaugural Listen to Your Mother was a lesson in the power of story. In stepping forward to a microphone; a computer with an index finger poised over the send button, or quietly sharing with another human being. We need each others' stories. It's what makes us human and what makes our humanity bearable. It is our connection.
The BAM: Bloggers at Midlife Conference, and the sponsoring online Midlife Boulevard are a powerful channel of connection. Midlife women, many if not most of us Baby Boomers, have a voice about life after 40 and 50 and into our 60s. And I'm sure we'll be sharing our voices beyond that number. Because that's just it. It's not about numbers. And we refuse to be dismissed because Madison Avenue and Hollywood attempts to dictate where on the chronological scale of life matters. We are real women who have been through the trenches of parenting, marriages, divorces, early widowhood, disAbility, cancers, careers, etc. And we've got stories to share with you.
Why thank you, Lux. Judging by the looks of your blog's home page, at least, looks like you have a roar yourself. :)
Posted by: Leisa A. Hammett | March 15, 2015 at 06:29 PM
You are one tough, wise, courageous woman. My first time here and already, I'm learning a lot.
Keep on inspiring people.
Posted by: Lux Ganzon | March 15, 2015 at 02:09 PM
Jamie, hmmm....Id like to hear more what you are thinking here. :) Thank you for commenting.
Leisa A. Hammett
Author/Blogger, Speaker, ARTism Agent
www.LeisaHammett.com
www.GraceGoad.com + Facebook: Grace Goad | Autism Art
Posted by: Leisa A. Hammett | March 13, 2015 at 07:52 PM
Jamie, hmmm....I'd like to hear more what you are thinking here. :) Thank you for commenting.
Posted by: Leisa A. Hammett | March 13, 2015 at 02:45 PM
So well said. What amazing observations by you and Alicia. My quandary is not wanting to be defined by how I've always done (or not done) things. This post has me thinking in so many directions. xo
Posted by: jamie@southmainmuse | March 13, 2015 at 02:05 PM
Thank you for all the ways you taught me by just being forthright you, Alicia, both at the conference and since. I hope we can get together before school ends. Im willing to put something on my calendar.
Leisa A. Hammett
Author/Blogger, Speaker, ARTism Agent
www.LeisaHammett.com
www.GraceGoad.com + Facebook: Grace Goad | Autism Art
Posted by: Leisa A. Hammett | March 13, 2015 at 09:57 AM
Thank you for all the ways you taught me by just being forthright you, Alicia, both at the conference and since. I hope we can get together before school ends. I'm willing to put something on my calendar.
Posted by: Leisa A. Hammett | March 13, 2015 at 09:31 AM
Thank you for honoring me with such high praise. The conference was a rare gift of acceptance and support for me. Thank you for being such a big part of the experience, Leisa - and we're practically neighbors to boot. How great is that? ;-)
Alicia
spashionista.com
Posted by: Spashionista (Alicia) | March 12, 2015 at 06:53 PM
Love that, Claudia: "complicated, interesting and fascinating lives." Thank you for commenting. :)
Posted by: Leisa A. Hammett | March 12, 2015 at 04:19 PM
I left the conference thinking how many wonderful stories all of us had to share. I've never met so many interesting, smart and supportive women who all had complicated, interesting and fascinating lives. I loved it, and can't wait for the next one. And, I, too love Brene Brown. I just finished her book "The Gifts of Imperfection" on the flight home from TN.
Posted by: Claudia Schmidt | March 12, 2015 at 03:53 PM