Leisa A. Hammett

The Silver Tsunami & #AutismPost21Crisis

In our nearly two-decades-old, small, local meet-up group of moms with sons and daughters who have disAbilities, (plus a dad or two, and a few friends who work on behalf of our community,) we call her the queen. Not just any queen, but the Queen Mother. Or, since she's opposed to the use of caps: queen mother. Our group is The Mothers from Hell (and Friends). I wrote about us here.  

holly lu connant rees is referred to as the queen mother for many reasons, not the least of these is her leadership in disAbility (caps, mine,) advocacy, and her knife-sharp wit and ability to hammer a point with precision. So, I leave the rest of this post to quoting her during this busy national autism awareness month with many art events for my soon-to-be 21-year-old artist daughter with autism. My mind is overloaded with ideas to write about and little time to put them here. Thoughts are on high gear as we march to the perilous precipice of age 21, and one year closer to the black abyss of services post public school. I am  writing about much of this via public posts on my personal Facebook page. 

Here's holly lu, in her wonderful and unique form of punctuation, without editing from me: 

"we are seeing the coming of age of adults who were very premature &/or very sick babies, who wouldn't have survived in previous generations. 1 of the most drastic circumstances we face is the upwards of 850,000 people with I/DD whose caregivers are over 60. some of the folks may have bucked the medical 'wisdom' of the time, & kept their son/daughter/sister/brother home rather than institutionalizing them--& are still on waiting lists, if they've even qualified for waiver services. there are also many grandparents who are raising their children's children due to substance abuse/extreme poverty/mental illness which may have caused DD in the kids.

"i was going to add the caveat that I don't mean to sound so grim--but in fact there's no choice. the aging of baby boomers has been described as a 'silver tsunami'--the implications for the disability community are profound.  

"i'm certainly an example of what I prefer to call the "grinder generation" (b/c it's a more evocative term than "sandwich" & b/c that's the right name for subs in CT)--32 y.o. son w/disabilities, caring for my 94 y.o. mother, beginning to deal w/the wear & tear of aging upon my own little frame."

________________________________________________________

 

[Me] Here in Tennessee, our legislators continue their hillbilly who-ha shenanigans to pass laws allowing guns in parks, making the Bible the official book of Tennessee, all while refusing the Governor's last ditch efforts to insure hundreds of thousands of Tennesseeans without health coverage and...here it is: once again, debating whether or not to fund the sons and daughters of parents aged 80 and over to roll off the medicaid waiver list for intellectual and developmental disAbilities. As I've written here before, I'm not planning to wait 25 more years if and when justice will be served. 

Also, from an article entitled "What Will Happen When the School Bus Stops Coming," I learned these alarming statistics: 

Dr. Sheila Korn—a pediatrician interviewed about her son with autism noted—according to the article, that,  "residential services will become more important to their adult children when parents enter their retirement years. But waiting lists are long. As of 2012, more than 110,000 people with intellectual and developmental disabilities were on waiting lists for residential services across America; all needed housing services within a year. If you include people whose housing needs are less urgent, the number on waiting lists swells to 300,000, according to the Residential Information Systems Project at University of Minnesota."

Crisis, folks, and we've not crested yet:  #TheSilverTsunami #AutismPost21Crisis

On a more positive note, this year's Nashville Film Festival will feature "Learning to Dance in Ohio," about youths with autism preparing for their first formal dance. Show times are this Saturday and Thursday of next week. Click this link for more details. 

And then back to the issue at hand for so many of us: I was the first caller this morning on Tom Ashbrook's On Point Radio on NPR. Here's the link to the site. To locate and listen to the podcast, look for April 16, 2015, "Stark Realities of Autistic Adulthood." (I cried on National Public Radio.) It's been a difficult week. 

Shooting Peace Symbols & Learning Neutrality

I will no longer shoot peace symbols to people in traffic. Tonight I learned my lesson. About five years ago, I spontaneously started shooting peace symbols to cars in my rearview mirror when they allowed me to cut in front of them or when they allowed me to walk in front of them. And then other times, spontaneously, I've shot a peace symbol, ironically, passive-aggressively when someone honked at me. For that, I immediately do not feel proud, in the second or two later when I assess my energy and intent. (Side note: I hate horn honking in traffic and there's more of it here with the influx of newcomers who don't understand our genteel Nashville ways. "Please don't bring your ugly," I want to yell.) Well, my ugly has been those occasional passive-aggressive peace fingers and tonight I learned my lesson on shooting them.

Grace, Ken and I, with a buggy of groceries, saw a car turn into the garage lane at Whole Foods, but proceeded into the crosswalk, as we mistakenly thought they had seen us and were stopping. We had to halt our passage, however, when we realized this car didn't seem like they were going to stop. I looked quizzedly into the face of the driver behind the windshield and she seemed angry, agitated and baring her teeth. I finished crossing wondering why our passing in the crosswalk clearly marked in several ways, would seemingly agitate her so. And then I turned around and shot her a peace symbol.

Not cool. Passive aggressive.

I was putting my groceries into my car when she came up to me in the parking garage. At first, I was unaware she had approached and that she had already begun talking to me. Her teeth were bared during the whole conversation. What I was able to hear, once I realized she was addressing me was: "Just so you know I was not going to run over you. I'm a nurse and I've been busy saving babies' lives all day. So, I'm tired and my eyes are a little blurry and they aren't seeing well."

I looked surprised and responded calmly: "Well, I didn't think you were going to run over us. But you looked so angry I shot you a peace symbol."

She studied me a moment and then replied angrily: "Well. It didn't look like it!"

At that point, I gasped. I almost never shoot a bird in anger at anyone as I think it is such a sign of hate. "Oh my god," I replied. "No! Two fingers!" And proceeded to shoot her another peace symbol. (No passive-aggressive intent.)

She stood there a couple of seconds longer and bared her teeth at me. And turned toward the store.

Ken, my spiritual mentor, like always, turned it into a lesson. One: any kind of finger motions are likely to be taken wrong. I'd begun to realize that. It was an example, he said, of not knowing what is in a person's "subterranean vault." It came out in this case. (I never looked at her angrily, just confused and surprised. But my "peace symbol" seemingly lit a match to whatever was inside of her. Fatigue, anger, hurt, unrest.) And he added this zinger, which was actually his first remark:

"Can you not react to how a person acts?"

Ahhh. There's the lesson. Remaining neutral. Her reaction, of course, was not about me. As is anybody's. It's about them. As I have cleared the clutter in the vaults of my own subconscious more and more, I've gained more compassion for myself and the ways I've reacted to people in the past and realize more (though I forgot it in a moment of non-neutrality--judgement,) that people are coming from a place (of pain, wounding, grief, abuse...) about which we generally have no idea.

If I'd had no reaction to how she appeared to take our crossing the walk, I would have not passed judgment on her seeming reaction. She'd had a hard day. And how my passive aggressive (ab)use of the peace symbol seemingly set her off.

Good lesson(s).

*The painting in the background of the Chilton Pearce quote is one of GraceArt's new 2015 Spring/Summer coaster-sized Art Tiles. GraceGoad.com is currently under redesign, including an e-commerce component. 

Tennessee Report Card for DisAbility Services: Still a Big Fat "F"

Sometimes to make a point about the needs of the disAbility community, we have to tell stories that are very real but aren't so pretty. And, every time we open up to reporters, there is chance for human error and misinterpretation. That said, I have been on both sides of the reporter pad and I think the reporter did an excellent job with a complicated story. She completed the 30-minute interview with me at 4:30 p.m., filed her story sometime that evening and it appeared as follows the next morning. I do not recall ever saying that Grace had self-injured. She has, however, but would not be classified as "self-injurious." Two advocate friends suggested I ask for a correction when I clarified this on my Facebook wall. However, I left it because this is very true for many families much more desparate in their wait for services. Also, I do not advocate the use of the word "suffer" in regards to autism. It is the way my daughter is born. Yet, such wording is, again, part of the surrender that I believe must occur when taking one's story public.

From The Tennessean by Anita Wadhwani. Front page story, Thursday, October 24, 2013

At 19 years old, suffering from autism, severe speech and language disorders and other intellectual disabilities, Grace Walker Goad has been on a waiting list for services from the state Department of Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities for more than half her life.

She cannot cook, drive, take public transportation or communicate. In the past, she has tried to injure herself. Federal rules allow her to attend public school until she is 21. Without help from the state agency, her mother, Leisa Hammett, is worried about what comes next.

Goad’s 10-year wait for services is not unusual, advocates say. She is one of more than 7,100 state residents with intellectual disabilities who cannot take care of themselves and are waiting for a long-term-care program run by DIDD through special funding from the federal Medicaid program.

Some have been on the list since 1994, waiting for one of 8,447 slots.

The waiting list is one of nine “serious problems” identified in a newly released audit of the agency by the state comptroller’s office. Currently, only those in “crisis” situations are allowed off the list. The agency defines “crisis” as someone who is homeless, whose caregiver has died or who is a danger to himself or others.

Goad does not meet those criteria, but she still needs professional care that her mother, a self-employed writer, said she alone cannot provide.

“What happens to a lot of these young adults after they leave school is they just sit on the sofa,” said Hammett, 53, who cares for her daughter around the clock when Goad is not in school. “What comes with a lack of services is a regression of all those skills that federal government requires schools to provide.

“We unfortunately live in a state that has no plan. Tennessee has no safety net.”

More budget cuts

The rest of the story is here.

The Truth About "Obamacare"

A group of nonpartisan East Nashville healthcare advocates, "You're Covered Nashville," decided to share the facts on the Affordable Care Act, otherwise known as the much demonized "Obamacare." They've spoken at churches, neighborhood association meetings and other gatherings helping their friends and neighbors understand some of the basics of this big, broad complicated law. I was fortunate to attend such a gathering at a friend's home. I was much impressed with the fact that a group of individuals would care enough to educate themselves and others. And, I was appreciative to come to a greater understanding of the Act. So, I asked "You're Covered" member Debbie Meredith, an accountant by trade, to author this guest post so that more people could learn the facts. Note that the basics here apply throughout the country.

What is Obamacare and how will it help people? 

"After years of debates about Obamacare, it’s finally time for implementation.  With tons of misinformation abounding, You're Covered Nashville, decided to  clarify the basic facts and debunk a few of the myths surrounding this historic legislation.  We've made it really simple for everyone.  There are three things everyone should know about Obamacare.  First, everyone is required to have coverage in 2014.  Secondly, by law, health insurance has to be affordable.  Finally, all insurance plans must offer quality coverage.  It’s really that simple.  There are no death panels, no one is taking away anyone's current plan and the government won’t pick anyone's doctor.  Let’s take each of these items and break them down." 

Coverage for all with freedom of choice

"Even though the law requires everyone to have insurance coverage in 2014, the law allows individuals the freedom to choose their coverage.  If a person has coverage now, either through their employer or private insurance, and they like it, they can keep it.  If they want to shop around for another plan, they  can log onto www.healthcare.gov and take a look at the insurance marketplace.  There, one will find plans offered by private companies that meet the standards of a qualified health plan.  The marketplace format looks much like a travel website and, by law, the plans must be easily comparable with no fine print, no fancy jargon, and no insurance company trickery.  The marketplace opened for business October 1 and coverage will begin January 1, 2014.  In Tennessee, the marketplace will include plans from BlueCross/BlueShield, Cigna, Humana, Coventry Health & Life and Community Health Alliance.  As previously stated, individuals can keep what they have or purchase insurance from other companies through their employer or an insurance broker, they just won’t be listed on the marketplace." 

It isn’t called the Affordable Care Act for nothing

"The law states that health insurance must be affordable.  No longer can insurance companies charge more for pre-existing conditions or raise premiums for high claims experience.  In addition, the health care law says that if an individual can’t find a plan that costs less than 8% of their income, they're exempt from the requirement to purchase health insurance. To make premiums affordable to low and moderate income Americans who are not eligible for Medicaid and are not offered employer-paid insurance, premium assistance is available in the form of tax credits.  That means middle-class folks with income between 133% - 400% of the federal poverty level can get help paying for their insurance.  So if an individual's projected 2014 earnings are less than about $46,000 or less than about $94,000 for a family of 4, they may qualify for assistance paying for their insurance premium through tax credits."

"In addition to the premium assistance, those making less than 250% of federal poverty level (about $23,000 for individual or $80,000 for family of four) may receive out-of-pocket subsidies. These subsidies are designed to keep the dreaded co-pays, co-insurance and deductibles down to an affordable level.  Speaking of out-of-pocket expenses, the law mandates the maximum out-of-pocket expense to be less than $6,350 for an individual and $12,700 for a family of four.  Because of The Affordable Care Act, medical bankruptcies are a thing of the past."

Quality care means new rules for insurance companies

"The Affordable Care Act requires health insurance plans to include basic coverage or "essential health benefits." These benefits include an extensive list of services from doctor visits, prescription drugs and lab tests to emergency room services and hospital stays.  Free preventive care, such as cancer screening and annual physicals, are on the list, as are rehabilitative services and mental health therapy.   Plans will also include coverage for pregnancy and baby care and dental and eye care for children under 18.  By law, the insurance companies can no longer limit the amount of coverage or place lifetime caps on an individual's plan.  In fact, insurance companies now have to actually pay 80% of premiums they charge on healthcare, not on “overhead” such as corporate jets and CEO salaries.  Should they fail to meet these requirements, the law requires them to refund a portion of the premiums back to the individual."

"Insurers will bundle their plans at five different pricing levels, and individuals have the freedom to choose whether they pay now (higher premium & lower deductible) or pay later (lower premiums & higher deductible).  The most expensive of the plans offered is called platinum level, which will pay 90% of medical costs.  Gold plans will pay 80% of the costs, while the silver coverage will pay 70% of the medical costs. Bronze carries the lowest monthly premiums but also only pays 60% of costs. There are also catastrophic plans available.  As these plans are designed for 'young invincibles' and working poor, they are only available to those under age 30 or those over 30 who cannot find a plan for less than 8% of their income.  Premiums for catastrophic plans will be cheaper and they will cover all the essential health benefits and 3 primary care visits per year, however deductible and co-pays are likely to be higher for these plans.  Again, individuals have the freedom to choose which plan works for their budget and their healthcare needs." 

Bottom Line

"The uninsured have a dramatic effect on our nation’s healthcare.  They affect the finances, quality and availability of care for everyone.  But more importantly, access to affordable healthcare for all is just the right thing to do.  A community full of healthy individuals is beneficial to us all. Yes, the opening days of enrollment have been rocky and fraught with website glitches, but don’t let that deter you.  Access to affordable, quality health insurance can change lives.  So, Go Get Covered!"

How can you get more information?

Check out You're Covered Nashville's Facebook page at www.facebook.com/yourecoverednashville or follow them on twitter @ycnashville. In addition, you can find local help at www.getcoverednashville.org. Of course, don’t forget to log onto www.healthcare.gov and get covered!

Love Heals @ Thistle Farms

Nashvillian Becca Stevens is a woman of faith. Not a flowery faith that simply flows from one's lips. But a faith that grew arms and legs and encompassed an unseen sector of our city and then grew and grew and embraced people of all classes and races and even those living in other countries. Her work with Magdalene, Thistle Farms and now Thistle Stop Cafe earned her the designation, by President Obama, as a Champion of Change.

Backstory: Stevens is an Episcopal priest/chaplain of Vanderbilt University's St. Augustine Chapel. When she became active in addressing the issue of homelessness in Nashville she asked a question: "Where are the homeless women?" (When you see homeless in Nashville--maybe in most cities--you see mostly men.) The answer wasn't pretty: They were living lives of prostitution, drug and alcohol addiction and trafficking. Enter Magdalene, a residency program Stevens founded in 1997. For two years, women are offered housing, food, medical and dental care, therapy, education and job training, free of charge and without 24-hour live-in staff. On average, residents range in age from 20 to 50, were first sexually abused between ages seven to 11, have been arrested 100 times and have spent 12 years on the street prostituting. Seventy percent of residents lead healthy, sober lives two-and-a-half years after entering the program. At any given time there are 80 to 100 women on a waiting list.

While Magdalene was successful, Stevens quickly realized that the program helped women overcome their addictions but few were able to find work in the community for various reasons, including their arrests records. Helping women become "clean" was not enough. The women needed jobs. Enter Thistle Farms.

Thistle Farms is a highly successful social enterprise of the women of Magdelene. By hand the women create natural body care products that are as good for the body as they are for the earth. All proceeds support Thistle Farms and Magdalene. Into every product goes the belief that love is the most powerful force for change in the world. Thistle Farms uses all natural ingredients and earth-friendly practices. Products are made with premium ingredients, such as cotton wicks, soybean-based ecowax, olive and coconut oils, sunflower seeds, and essential oils. Every product is handmade by the women of Thistle Farms to offer healing to the world. And some of that healing has also extended to third world women who are collaborating with Thistle Farms to make, in some cases, upcycled and handmade cloth packaging to contain some of Thistle Farm's essential oils and travel packages. Thistle Farms has 200 retail partners, including 27 Whole Foods stores in the southeast. Products can also be purchased online at Thistlefarms.org

Now: Thistle Stop Cafe. This summer, the next stop for the women of Magdelene and Thistle Farms became Thistle Stop Cafe located at 5128 Charlotte Pike next to the Thistle Farms office and manufacturing facility. It's the attractive, two-story, white-painted brick building with the giant metal thistle sculpture on the north side, which serves the adjacent garden as a rain catcher designed by uber talented Nashville son, artist Ben Caldwell. The cafe is light-filled, both from the outdoors and the bright smiles of the women from Magdalene who operate the coffee and bar and fresh food offerings--sandwiches and salads--from AM@PM cafe of another talented native son, Arnold Myint. The fare, like the bodycare products the women make, are beyond wholesome with Spark of Life and Vegan Vee and Just Love Coffee also supplying the good eats. Adding to the comfy atmosphere of tables and cushy sofas is the rich, dark bourbon-colored floors of 150-year-old pine scrapped from Al Gore's old tobacco barn in Carthage, Tenn. And those tea cups! The light fixtures above each table are made from tea cups donated from around the world.

Both the Thistle Farm endeavors are infused with committed, loving volunteers who sew, serve, make paper products and more. This truly is a community endeavor.

This fall, on October 13-15, Thistle Farms will host a national conference to aid prostitution, trafficking and addiction survivors. The three-day event will focus upon on best practices for residential communities and social enterprises and conclude with a free-to-the-public fundraising benefit concert of top Nashville talent performing at the historic Ryman auditorium

To learn more about Thistle Farms and the community of Magdalene, about how you can visit the cafe; volunteer or donate to Thistle Farms-Magdalene and/or purchase products, go to ThistleFarms.org.You'll be glad you did. Promise. My heart has been stretched wide open. And filled with healing love.

*Why the Thistle?: "Considered a weed, thistles grow on the streets and alleyways where the women of Thistle Farms & Magdalene walked. But, thistles have a deep tap root that can shoot through thick concrete and survive drought. And in spite of their prickly appearance, their royal and soft purple center makes the thistle a mysterious and gorgeous flower."

#LoveHeals

"Living For 32" Film @ Belcourt Exposes Ease of Gun Access, Features Va. Tech Survivor

Monday, Sept. 16, 2013--A tired, VERY frustrated same-ol-same-ol ADDENDUM, to yesterday's post. Today's Washington, DC, ship-yard shooting suspect had a Texas concealed weapon permit. WHAT WILL IT TAKE, AMERICA?!

Rising from the sad, sad, reality of the smouldering ashes and stench of precious human lives senselessly lost in the tragedy of Sandy Hook, it seemed that maybe reason had a chance for rebirth in America's contentious gun debate. Hope, for me, swung high with some news reports, such as the actions of congressional voices of reason (imagine that from this session and the last?!) plus, the proclamations and actions of some major city mayors. Said hope would then nose dive with news of our own mayor's refusal from to rescind the 2015 NRA convention invitation here in Nashville and repeated reports of the NRA's fierce, protectionist rallying cry increasing to deafening decibels. Reason! Hope! Irrational insistence on rights taken too far. Hopes dashed. Back and forth. Two steps forward, three steps....And then, this week. Incomprehensible. Amid the torrent of damaging floods within the Rocky Mountain state, Colorado voters recalled the seats of two state legislators over the politicians' support of new limits on ammunition magazine and expanded background checks.

As with any cause, the passionate keep on. What would have happened if members of the 1960s civil rights movement had of surrendered the cause for justice? And so, those passionate about saner gun laws continue to wage truth. And part of that campaign is happening here in Nashville with passionate, tireless  leaders, one of them whom I know well and admire greatly--once a teacher herself--my daughter's special education teacher.

Tuesday, September 24 at 7:30 p.m. (doors open at 7:00) as a benefit ($10 suggested donation,) Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America will show "Living for 32" at the Belcourt. (The Facebook invitation embedded in the latter hyperlink.) "Living for 32" is a documentary film about Colin Goddard, a college student who was shot 4 times during the 2007 Virginia Tech massacre-- and survived. After recovering and finishing his degree, Colin volunteered for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. Wearing a hidden camera and going undercover into gun shows all across America, he proved how easy it is for anyone to buy a gun, with no identification and no background check-- just a wad of cash.

 
Goddard will join these local experts for questions and discussion after the film:
•Talia Simmons, Nashville mother whose son was murdered in 2012
•Michael Knight, Public Information Officer and former Special Agent for the Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives
•Dr. Raeanna Adams, Trauma Surgeon, Vanderbilt University Medical Center and Assistant Professor, Department of Surgery
•Philip Wehby, Assistant United States Attorney for the Middle District of Tennessee and Deputy Criminal Chief of Firearm

Divisions Dilute Love (No. 3 in a Series)

Last week I wrote here and here, about how a visitor, I'd only met once, came to my Facebook page because he had seen my profile picture on a mutual friend's page. My comment on my friend's page was unrelated to the fact that I'd changed my profile picture in solidarity with my gay friends over the upcoming and then celebration of the resulting Supreme Court decision on marriage equality. This person showed further aggression toward me with comments made in a private message to me. How I first responded on my page was in part from my Ego, which took me out of my heart and out of the spirit of Love. I learned from the experiences--both interactions with him. And then, later that day came this:

A sweet friend delivered my buffet, which she had taken to her house and painted "shabby chic" for me. She delivered the piece with a neighbor who was also her friend and a colleague. I had never met the woman, but knew of her through my friend. We exchanged pleasantries and while I paid my friend and chatted with her briefly, the other woman walked back through my garage through which she and my friend had delivered my newly painted buffet. She came back onto my porch and asked me: "Is this your car?" She seemed a bit alarmed. I said, yes, it was. "SHOCKED!" "I'm just SHOCKED," she said. I smiled at her and said, well, you must be talking about my bumper stickers. I was a little surprised and slightly shaken, but I returned to chatting with my friend.

The two got ready to go and the other woman brought up her reaction again. "I mean, I love convertibles. It's not your car. It's your bumper stickers." And then she repeated the same refrain about how shocked she was.

I have too many bumper stickers. My friends will often tell me they saw my car at the movies, downtown or through a certain suburb because the stickers and the model of my car make it so easily identifiable. Honestly, I'm tired of the stickers and someday when I ever get (make) the chance, I'm going to remove some of them. And I'll probably blog about that because there's more to it than just being tired of them. (Don't interpret that I'll remove both of my Obama stickers. I plan to leave up the Obama logo.)

I sent my friend an email after they left. Subject line: "What was that?" She had looked at me winceingly the last time her friend talked of her shock. Just which bumper stickers did she find so shocking, I asked. I have a potpourri of positive messages, autism awareness, one about disAbility advocacy and then two for Obama.

Bingo! The two later, replied my friend who said her friend was very opinionated and extremely politically conservative.

So, it was the second time that day that I got to be on the receiving end of someone's judgment of me because of my political or spiritual beliefs that were just hanging out there--on my Facebook page in the profile picture square and on my car's back bumper.

Wow. I thought about why it registered with her as such a shock. And what did she think of me because I was part of the American population that supports and voted for our president. How was it that my politics somehow changed her view of me--at least that she'd be so shocked that I would support Obama?

I'm not immune or ignorant to the fact that many people are vehemently opposed to our president on a number of grounds, some fact and much of it fiction. And this is not to bash the woman but to share the experience and let it be a lesson and a reminder to me to remain in the spirit of love even when I see someone's bumper sticker or online politics differ from mine AND when I am on the receiving end as I was that Thursday.

It is/was a reminder that these are just opinions and that beneath the opinions are human beings, just like me, just like you, who come to their opinions from their individual universe of experiences. That includes the woman's shock and opinions of, ha, my opinions. How I came to both my political and spiritual beliefs was indeed a lifetime of my personal journeying, a fair amount about which I have written on this blog under those eponomously named categories. It has been a personal evolutionary journey for me, of which I cherish and I celebrate. And at this leg of the journey I continue to learn to be love to all those who disagree with me.

To me these incidents are all timely as the heat of summer has been stoked once again last week, just like it's been being stoked every summer since 2009 or 08 or 07, whatever, and since the 1980s when Newt Gringrich and the Regan era drew lines of deep divisiveness in politics and religious beliefs and since, let's be real, the beginning of human life. Sigh.

Love. My sweet friend in her email reply said it best as she told me what had shocked her friend and from where her friend was coming:

"Love is the answer to all things, as we know. You and I are in the same boat[:] open to learn[ing] and try[ing] to always find a way back to love and that my friend is on a journey all of [her] own."

When Ego Gets in the Way of Love (No. 2 in a Series)

America tends to cop a celebration hang-over for many of its holidays, not the least of which is Fourth of July. So, perhaps what I want to explore with you today is timely because it deals with a touchy and uncomfortable aspect of our country, especially right now--how we treat each other over our opposing political and spiritual views. This post is a continuation of this one: In Contemporary Evolution [and Love,] There is No Black or White.

Can I just say OUCH!?! Thursday a week ago was emotionally painful for me. I got socked three times out of the blue. Well, twice and then once with myself. And really, how I reacted to these events were purely up to me and how I chose to label and interpret the experiences, likewise. It was a day of learning. As I shared in the above linked post, I opened up Facebook that morning to find a comment on my personal page from someone whom I had only spoken to once, a decade ago, and whom I'm not positive even knows who I am. We have mutual friends. Like many on the ubiquitous social media forum, I had changed my Facebook profile picture in solidarity of my gay brothers and sisters--my friends, one of my doctors, a second cousin, an old childhood friend, an old college friend and many with whom I once attended church with in Atlanta, and more than one "Mother from Hell" who also has a child with a disAbility and the many other American men and women who are devoted, loving mothers and fathers who watched to see what the Supreme Court would rule on the issue of marriage equality. The comment was made under my profile picture change notice. (Oh, Facebook, one of the many things I dislike about you.)

"It is a sad day in America as God weeps," wrote this person on my wall, under my the red-and-pink equal sign of profile picture. I can only figure he found my page because I had commented (and thus showing the red-and-pink equality symbol as my picture beside my remarks) on something unrelated on a dear mutual friend's page upon which we are both somewhat active.

I responded back to him with two remarks. One, that as of last year's Chic-fil-a debaucle, I will make to
anyone who comes onto my personal page and takes issue with my opinions that: "I will not come onto your or anyone else's personal page and take opposition with your spiritual and political views. I ask that you show me the same respect." I learned this the hard way. I inadvertently alienated an old high school friend by taking issue, though not in an intended mean-spirited manner, with some of her views. At some point, I decided I would no longer do that. When it was done to me last summer, even when I had not made a direct comment about the Chic-fil-a protest, but rather to the essence that "my heart was sad this Wednesday," two Facebook friends came on to take issue with my statement. I got it. I got the experience. Don't do this. It comes across as offensive and argumentative and one-up to many. I told the man on my page last week, that I liked his sense of humor, his talent and I appreciated his charitable work on behalf of a cause dear to my heart and also that I appreciated that we shared a number of mutual friends.

But then, my bad, as I later reconciled to myself, I took it a step further. I challenged him to read the views of a growing sector of the young, progressive Christian movement who are accepting homosexuality as a fact and a part of human culture. And I challenged him to examine coming onto my page and that it created contentiousness and I asked him to consider WWJD.

Misstep. You see. I got my Ego involved with that addendum. Basically, I had crossed over the line and stood with him from the place of Ego. The third chakkra. Away from the fourth chakkra. The heart. Love.

What happened next really blindsided me. Oy! I got a lengthy, I mean EPIC message quoting New and Old Testament scripture and interpretations of the scriptures and then ramblings about the sanctity of marriage seemingly meaning I was unsanctimonious or something and then I was told that what I had said we had in common did not count in God's eyes. And then one brief follow-up message: when I learned the truth it would set me free.

Sigh. My point here is not to show you my emotional Facebook boo-boo or to bad mouth this person via "The Journey with Grace." (Wink. Grace. Get it?) But, rather, I want to share the experience of how, again, I learned. First, I learned from my error. How my Ego tried to trump. Then, I got the experience of feeling how when we impose our views on another, as this guest poster on my page had done, we can stimulate pain in others. How many times have I "put it out there" in the name of righteousness without considering how it may feel to the person for whom I am "putting it out there"? It did not feel good to me, I can tell you. But, I knew it was a lesson for me, albeit a painful one.

This person had very little "data" about me and assumed I shared his views about the exclusitivity of belief in one God and which God--although he questioned my assumed Christianity. (Ouch.) Another thing that I have done and that many of us tend to do when we go off on others--either to their faces, on cyperspace or behind their backs to yet others or even in the privacy of our own head--is not knowing or considering what their life experiences of the world may be. Which is to consider: What are their experiences of life and where has their life journey has taken them?

Stopping to consider where their journey has taken them then that leads me back to compassion. I felt compassion for him that he felt the need to railroad me (yes, that's not a very compassionate term on my part and shoves me back into judgment,) with his views. Everything I peronally experience about the nature of God stems from the root of Love. My experience was that there was no love in these words hurled at me. (A judgmental verb, hurl.) Where had this talented and handsome man been that would have taken him to such a place where he spewed vitriol at me, a virtual stranger? So, my pain was in part the pain I felt in his experience of life, the world, this issue. Behind his vitriol was pain from within him. I've been getting that experience as well in my work with my spiritual teacher these last two years. When I have come with venom and anything less than kind, not only have I forgotten the love in which I was created and I am. I am coming from a place of pain and fear within me. It is deep-deep work that I am doing these past two years, post divorce, and I am burrowing down to clean out the clutter of that pain that goes back to the beginning of my life here in this incarnation.

I'm going to stop here because of length, and finish this post in another segment or two. I'm not done. I had two more incidents on the same day involving other people and controversial issues, again, that I did nothing intentionally to evoke. But, I hope I am clear here on what I learned. About what this experience taught me about me about Ego. When I moved over into Ego, in this case, I categorized my gay friends as more important and special than his spiritual views. Ego-generated categorization--I'm right, you're wrong--leads not to love but to hatred...and even war.

"We are our experiences. We are not our political views, contentious views, religious views. We are the experiences of our personal universes. I cannot love A more than B simply because I agree with A more than B. That's what the Ego would do. That's what tolerance is all about. Tolerance is about the equal playing field of who you are." ~ Mystic Ken Wheaton.

In Contemporary Human Evolution, [and love,] There is No Black or White

Push. Pull. Pull. Push. Climate change. Marriage Equality. Pro Choice. Voting Rights. Again our nation's spiritual and political tug of war has taken center stage during the heat of another summer.

One step forward. Three steps back.

Love. Hate.

And where am I?

Again, convicted that in championing my views--and yes, my personal journey has taken me to a route labeled liberal....Convicted (good ol' Baptist word, it is,) that I do not damn the opposing for what I view is a lack of love. Sometimes the lack of heart--or rather the forgetting of the ONE heart--comes from within me.

You're seeing the headlines. The same ones I'm hearing and reading. Your reactions may be different than mine. What is important for me to remember is that even if you come onto my very public Facebook page and take me on because I have changed my profile picture to a red-and-pink marriage equality sign as a visual of celebration and solidarity, you are still one with me. That when I remember who I am--who we all are--I remember that I love you nonetheless.

I ask you (you, whomever you are) to not come onto my page and argue your opposing views as I no longer go onto others and disagree with their personal views. But it is important to remember that something on my page, something you've seen on your feed or on another's page, has caused you pain. I must remember to have compassion for you. I must remember that you and I are made of the same fibers. I must remember you and I are one in the same.

To be continued....

Unfulfilled Mothers' Day Wish

A longer version of this ad ran in yesterday's Tennessean:

Here's the link:

http://data.tennessean.com/~adservices/ads/gunad.pdf